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How
to Deal with Bullying
Effectively, Safely and Powerfully
1. Address
Bullying - It's Not Harmless
Bullying behavior - whether it's through threatening words or gestures,
physically hurting or name-calling, mimicking, harassing or shunning
(isolating someone) - is a destructive force in the lives of too
many kids. Being the victim of a bully is an attack on a young person's
self esteem and joy in life. Being a bully allows a child to build
behavior, which will be destructive socially and professionally
later in life. Witnessing bullying creates an upsetting distracting
environment in which to play and work and learn. Potential bullies,
victims and witnesses can learn to be assertive rather than aggressive
or passive in dealing with problems that they experience directly
or that they see happening.
2. Make bullying
against the rules.
Make sure that your child's school has a clear written Violence
and Harassment Prevention Policy, which everyone agrees to uphold.
Tune in when kids are acting upset with each other and help them
learn skills for handling conflict. Set an example for your children
by not allowing people to bully you and by exercising the self-control
necessary not to bully others. At home, work at stopping bullying
behavior with the same commitment that you would use in stopping
someone from throwing all dishes on the floor and breaking them.
3. Teach
kids to act aware and confident
Bullies pick on kids who act scared, oblivious, or defensive. An
alert, assertive attitude can help possible victims and witnesses
stop most bullying before it starts.
4. Teach
kids target denial skills
Target denial is a martial arts technique, which means, "Don't
be there!" Target denial means not giving a bully a physical
advantage by being too close. For example, kids can move away from
someone who they know is a problem. Target denial means not giving
a bully an emotional handle. One technique is to leave by smiling
and waving and saying cheerfully, "No thanks!" very calmly
and sincerely instead of acting scared or angry.
5. Teach
kids the power of words
Teach your children how to protect themselves from words and by
using words. Kids say that trying to "just ignore it when someone
says something mean to you" doesn't really work. Stop serious
name-calling with the same commitment that you would use to stop
serious hitting. Teach kids to protect themselves from hurting words
by imagining throwing them into a garbage can instead of taking
them inside their hearts or their heads. Teach kids not to let insults;
rude behavior or guilt trips trigger them into feeling intimidated
or emotionally coerced by a bully. Kids need to learn how not to
let what others say or do control their choices. They also need
to learn how not to behave in emotionally damaging ways towards
others. Teach kids how to set clear strong verbal boundaries in
a respectful assertive way with people they know.
6. Teach
kids to defend themselves physically.
To be effective in using other bully prevention tactics, kids need
to know that they can protect themselves physically. As a last resort,
kids need to know if and when and how they can hurt someone to stop
that person from hurting them.
7. Teach
kids to get help
Be someone your kids can some to with their problems without fear
of you overreacting or belittling them or lecturing or getting mad
at them. Even if the issues they bring might seem trivial to you,
these issues usually seem big to them. Most of the time, kids just
need someone to listen to so they won't feel alone. Being able to
talk about problems can help a child to figure out what to do and
put things into perspective. Having our kids in the habit of talking
to us can also alert us to more serious issues.
8. Give the
kids the chance to practice
Kids learn more by doing then being told what to do.
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